


Dead At Heart

by teukie



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Blood and Violence, Casual Satanism - Freeform, Codependency, Established Relationship, Loneliness, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Narcissism, Other, Self-Harm, Sex Addiction, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28447152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teukie/pseuds/teukie
Summary: when there’s a deal that enables you to put yourself above society, you know all sorts of selfish and wicked animals are bound to come crawling toward it.when jongwoon’s lover leaves him, he would do anything to feel alive again.when sungmin’s only friend neglects him, he would think about the end.when jeongsu revealed his angelic qualities, donghae would shake the table. | @ .teukie
Relationships: Kim Jongwoon | Yesung & Park Jungsoo | Leeteuk
Kudos: 3





	1. The Malleability of Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there were two sides to Lee Donghae. he didn’t know which one he really was. so far, only Park Jeongsu knew. he was embarrassed.

Donghae was raised well. There wasn’t much to tell about his upbringing, he was a good kid in a middle class family just like anybody else. It was when he got a taste of power that changed him forever. Donghae himself didn’t understand it, but he took much pleasure in being above others. It started with his neighbour, slash ‘adopted brother’ Jeongsu. Jeongsu ‘invaded’ Donghae’s childhood home often because his parents had either neglected him or were always busy, possibly even both, making Donghae’s mother take pity on the boy and invite him over as much as she could. Donghae used to love Jeongsu, it was like having another older brother, but over time, Donghae learned to take advantage of Jeongsu’s worry and care for him. He began to manipulate him and his emotions, it made him feel good, and because of that, it was all a game to him.

Donghae managed to get many opportunities in his life. It was like he’d befriended all the right people at the right times. Donghae was intelligent, handsome and even sometimes deemed as ‘irresistible’. He managed to become the CEO of a beauty company, and with someone of his charm on top of it, it seemed to get more attention. It was the perfect position for him to prey on his ‘victims’. The only downside was that Jeongsu had followed him to this part of his life. He made Jeongsu his personal assistant. Even if it was annoying sometimes, Jeongsu was the one person who he let care for him after he pushed his family away. Donghae rarely spoke to his family anymore, but even if he did, Jeongsu would still win the competition on who was the most pathetic. Donghae could easily send Jeongsu off, out of his office and into a panicked frenzy trying to help, but Donghae could shut him down by simply saying he was okay. It wasn’t like Jeongsu was stupid, it was that he knew things about Donghae that he would rather die than admit to.

Anyone could tell that he was a ‘player’. Donghae saw countless women (and occasionally men) a year, he never thought about a serious relationship, but there was a man who walked into his office who drove him a little crazy. This man had a complaint and managed to make it all the way up to the CEO just to deliver it. He didn’t know such a thing was possible and he dared not to question it. He was gorgeous to Donghae, hot, even. He had dark hair, styled to show his forehead, his body was not skinny but not fit either, his lips were uniquely shaped and eyes were so big and innocent. He couldn’t tell how old he was, whether it be mid-twenties or early-thirties, but he clearly was old enough. Terrible sense of style, however. Gray, baggy overshirt with text on it and some plain, ugly blue jeans. He was lucky that Donghae held a tolerance for insanity (both forms of it, if you will). If Donghae had been a normal person, he would’ve called security on this poor man. How tempted he was to seduce this man, send Jeongsu the text to guard his office, but the man wouldn’t even give his name, which made a lot more ‘bothered’.

_ It was the first time he’d pictured slapping someone until they said their own name. _

This man didn’t even look mad, to him. There were no raised voices and no visible anger, he simply came in and seated himself, then tried to tell Donghae how to do his job along with some other things that would lead Donghae to believe he wasn’t as pure as he thought. Before he started his complaints, he had offered Donghae come to a party he was throwing, then he acted as if he hadn’t said that. Donghae played along, finding it cute that he thought such mind games could work on someone of his position. 

At the tender age of twenty-five, Donghae cut into himself for the first time to sign a certain contract. A contract that granted him the ability to use such mind games for himself, thus, getting him whatever he so desired. Whatever Mr. No-name was using it for was clearly a waste of his time, if he wanted to sleep with him, he could’ve just said that, no need to shy-out. From the time he signed this deed, Donghae felt that he would never be the same again, so he never acted the same again. His demonic abilities became his lifestyle, his key to success and infinite access his one true love— sex. As far as Donghae was aware, he would continue to have this power in the after-life, making it the best decision of his life. 

But that was only if he could make up his mind.

At the end of the contract, you have to choose between your humanity and being a demon. If you wanted to be a demon, you would live as a human (with a few differences) until your mortal body died. After it died, you would be stripped of your soul, take on a new form and work for the dark lord, able to do whatever you wanted in between. If you wanted to remain human, you would continue to live the same way, but once you died, Hell would only be suffering. When Donghae first made this agreement, it scared him to think he’d have to make a choice someday. He knew what he was going to pick when the time came, but there was a weak side of him with a titanium grip, crushing his desires to make him scared on the inside. The only upside to it was that he did not have to worry about that now. He could continue preying on his victims with nobody ever finding out how much of a creep he really was.

He loved his life, he lived like it was going out-of-style, but his secrets would catch up to him in darkness. Donghae was afraid that one day, someone other than his family or Jeongsu would find out that he’s really just a loser. A loser with so many issues and closet-skeletons that any specialist would jump to give him a diagnosis, but that was why he ignored it. Donghae had sex to ignore his feelings and needs, he let the demon on his shoulder guide him and told the angel to ‘fuck off’ on a regular basis. The truth about Donghae was that dirty clothes and broken dishes surrounded him in the morning and all he wanted deep-down was the answer to why he was the pathetic one rather than Jeongsu.

In the eyes of any stranger, Donghae was sure they thought of him as better than themselves. He did bold things in the day as he did in the night. Public sex and throwing glasses into the walls surrounding him, always giving into temptations and always screaming, asking why he couldn’t be the person he was perceived as. It was part of why he signed the contract in the first place; why he planned to give up his soul to the one being Christians believed destroyed it. 

Donghae was insecure.

Donghae did amazing in school, always praised by his teachers, parents and his family, but living in the real world was vastly disappointing. Being told you were the best and being the best have a contrast in reality, and as soon as you step into it, everything could go sideways in an instant. Many people still praised Donghae, and that was why his misery confused him. Even if he knew he was not a king, he was told he was, but it was never enough to satisfy him. Happiness didn’t come like it used to; headpats and trophies were reserved for children and athletes. 

Reality was gray, unhappy, designed to breathe life into the brainless and take life from anyone who questioned it. Donghae did everything for himself, for his survival, the ‘Fountain of Youth’ company he sat atop and expanded for was only a part of the fun that kept him feeling alive— adrenaline. He didn’t even care to use the product in his day-to-day life, his mind games landed him in two positions he was barely qualified for and his age on each paper was a lie, it was all just a part of his fun. He lived for the attention, his woes were for nothing. Donghae was perfect, there was never a need to cry or throw glass objects, but he just kept doing it.

Perfection in the real world would always be far from enough; far from what he strived for and craved. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew everyone else saw him as such. And as much as it would eat him, he would push it away.


	2. D’accepter misère

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee Sungmin never imagined his future as a child, but he never imagined this, either. Kim Jongwoon was a maniac in his eyes, but he could be, too.

“That CEO was a fucking bastard.” Sungmin complained, swirling the red wine in his glass. “Just by looking at him, you could tell all does is think about sex — it was even in the tone of his voice! He kept biting his lips all gross and shit. How does anyone make it out of that office without never wanting to come back? I don’t want to even look at the product anymore.” 

“‘The product’,” Jongwoon sneered from the kitchen. “looks like someone has a crush.”

Sungmin was never one for relationships or sex, he’d associated it all with so much darkness when he was younger that it never really occurred to him that something good could come such engagements. Unashamed to admit, he was a virgin, and he had no plans on ever changing it. Although he was supposed to appear ‘fearless’, he never considered it to be a fear, but rather a personal preference. Besides, he enjoyed when someone would try to ‘lead him on’, he could play into it and drag it out as long as he so desired, then shut it all down and watch the excitement drain from the others eyes. The damsel in distress act with the powerful plot twist fuelled his ego, but the only times he didn’t want to feel such a way was when it wasn’t warranted — like today.

“I do not have a crush, Jongwoon. Just because you bargained your emotions for a seat on a throne does not make you above me. If anything, it makes you lesser.”

“I still have feelings,” Jongwoon gave Sungmin a cheeky, fake smile. “if I didn’t, I would  _ actually _ be above you.”

Sungmin and Jongwoon were freeloaders. Their mansion — laced with golden decor and filled vintage collectables — was ‘gifted’ to them along with the promise of undying wealth. Sungmin always knew wealth in his youth, but he despised his family, so when he started to make his own money, he couldn’t seem to find comfort. When he met Jongwoon in his early twenties, Jongwoon was already a demon on the waiting list. He would eventually find out and convince Sungmin to bloody his hands and change his fate forever to join him, and years into the future later, he was living with Jongwoon in a mansion under the condition he cleaned. With money at his fingertips resulting from slashed arms for the devil himself, it was inevitable that when he died, he would be going to Hell. It was only a matter of if he would go to Hell as a demon or as a mortal, but he didn’t have to think of that yet.

Jongwoon was sort of an odd character in Sungmin’s life. They were each other’s only friends, but they never felt like friends to Sungmin. However, it certainly didn’t stop Sungmin from showing how much he cared for Jongwoon. Jongwoon let Sungmin live with him, in return, Sungmin not only cleaned, but he threw parties to keep Jongwoons from looking suspicious. For this, Sungmin would travel, create different identities and befriend different people, then ‘vanish into thin air’. It was far from an easy procedure for someone who lives to freeload and die, but the devil had him covered. Nothing illegal ever happened in their home except Jongwoons occasional exchanges with male prostitutes, so there was not much to report on if anyone should leave the party without memory (which, they always did). Jongwoon had an antisocial personality, he was frequently spontaneous, too, always playing with his hands or biting his fingernails. As far as Sungmin could remember, he wasn’t always like this, the loss of Jongwoons brother, and maybe even his ex boyfriend, had greatly impacted him. During his episodes, Jongwoon would either struggle to let words fall out or yell about how ‘dying is a waste of time’. He would hurt himself, cut and burn his hands and arms and then cry like it was the only thing he knew how to do. Sungmin helped him through his episodes the best he could, but for the majority of them, he was pushed away. Fortunately, this didn’t happen as often as it felt it did, and whenever Sungmin would step in, he would stop his destructive and disruptive behaviours to sob into his knees like a frightened child. As much as it would pain Sungmin to levels he dare not show, it made him wonder how he got here. He was such a sweet child growing up, none of his life made sense compared to how he’s living now (at least according to every story he’d ever been told).

Sungmin hated to think of his past. He had everything a boy could ever dream of, except for two loving parents. Children never dreamt of having parents who loved them, it’s not something kids are supposed to want because they’re assumed to already have it, but growing up, it was always the first wish he made upon the brightest stars in the sky. His father and step-mother were self-obsessed, narcissistic, emotionally abusive assholes. Not to mention, all the times they couldn’t care to notice Sungmin was there because all they ever thought of was their own pleasure. The child would never tell anyone how horrible he was doing at home, because he was taught that kids like him had the world at their feet, and that world rarely included the thoughts or feelings of a parent. He grew up to feel insecurity and sadness tugging at his neck, making him cry over his littlest failures and having him feel choked in the face of praise from any outside source. He became a man always craving his next compliment and avoiding intimacy as if it were a one-way ticket to death, for he still feared that if people knew about how he was raised, they would tell him it wasn’t a big deal — like his problems were never real because a maid bought him the toys he wanted each Christmas.

He gave up on working for a life of freeloading as a way to avoid connections with anyone other than Jongwoon. Jongwoon seemed to only care that the dishes were done and the sheets were washed, it was easy, even if it was lonely for them both. Much like Jongwoons episodes, Sungmin would have episodes of loneliness that would get so bad, he always thought he wouldn’t make it out alive. 

If Sungmin died in his mortal body, he would go to Hell to burn alone, whereas a demon could do whatever they so desired to connect with each other and manipulate the living. Eventually, the devil would seek him out while he was living under contract as a mortal and have him choose between them. If he chose mortality, he would lose his benefits, and if he chose being a demon, he would keep them until his mortal body died. However, the only difference between a human mortal body and a demon’s disguise was a heartbeat. Sungmin thought of it as a well-deserved curse, for if demons and mortals get too close, but Jongwoon thought of it as a lifesaver, always proceeding with ‘I always hated the racing’ and some story about the worst anxieties of his life.

The only reason Sungmin was iffy about it was because of the consequences. Eternal pain or making others suffer the same way he did, leading an innocent child’s parents into their temptations without fail every single time until the child would end up the same as him. Leading a child to a life with a maniac and depression that would rip ordinary men to shreds without any reason... Both options were Hell, but both equally torturous. It was all Sungmin never thought of when signing the contract. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong until he dipped the quill into his blood, but now there was no way out. 

He and Jongwoon didn’t want to die. It was rather disappointing to them that immorality was not part of the agreement, thus making it something they had to ‘live with’, making them equal to everybody else in the world.


	3. Inevitably, Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongsu can't forgive himself. Jongwoon can't, either.

Park Jeongsu, a gorgeous man normally rocking light hair dye, always sporting the same style of deep red glasses (could be mistaken for black) that would keep the stars trapped behind his eyes, leaving their only escape to be through the tears he cried in the night. A man so full of selflessness and logic that loving him was nearly impossible for anyone blessed enough to have him in their lives. There was nothing to hate about Jeongsu, and with him, there was nothing to fear. The light the man carried was pure and angelic, as if he were an angel on Earth. Any monster who dared to test Jeongsu was bound to be disintegrated by fearless and positive energy he radiated, except for one.

Kim Jongwoon was lucky enough to have Jeongsu, once. Park Jeongsu was his heaviest heartbreak, even if it was for his own good. For the entire two years after their seven-year relationship, Jongwoon felt lonely. It was hard for him to admit to himself that filling the void with prostitutes felt as dirty as society made it. Since loving him, he never imagined death without Jeongsu by his side. Since the end of their relationship, Jongwoon distanced himself with others, including his own best friend, Sungmin. After Jeongsu, Jongwoon found no importance in caring for his friend as much as he used to, in fear his truths might hurt him too.

A year into dating Jeongsu, Jongwoon had signed the contract, thinking that he and Jeongsu would not last as long as they did, so it wouldn’t matter. He didn’t tell Jeongsu about it all until a year before they split, their relationship flourished on the lies Jongwoon now lived by, the promises he would never break, the places they would go and all the greedy things Jongwoon did to see Jeongsu smile — it all got to his head until his brother passed. The other life-long friend he neglected for time with Jeongsu and Sungmin, had passed away. The funeral had him take a step back and remember who he once was. He stopped spoiling Jeongsu and became depressed. Jeongsu took care of him the best he could, but it only made him feel worse, because he couldn’t tell him. It was not that he didn’t trust him, but rather that he feared  _ losing _ him.

Jongwoon hadn’t had an easy life. He had friends, but he wasn’t very popular. The pressures of impressing his family academically made him miserable, but his brother was always a light in the darkness. When Jongwoon dropped out of school, his family forgave him, but he couldn’t forgive himself. When he moved cities away from them, he met Jeongsu, who was also down on his luck, slaving away working at the laundromat Jongwoon went to. Jeongsu was very smart and incredibly gifted, but he wasn’t fortunate enough to continue school. Later, Jongwoon would offer to help Jeongsu go back to school, but he refused, saying he didn't want Jongwoon to go broke. The two sad men started dating as something to do, not taking it very seriously until sometime after Jongwoon found his future through a creepy online form. Getting to know Jeongsu’s true nature, he decided not to tell him of the deal he would be making. Jeongsu was Christian, he attended church regularly and sometimes unintentionally annoyed Jongwoon with his beliefs, but he was a lot of fun to hang out with, so he kept seeing him. When Jongwoon came upon the endless ‘Satan Money’, buying gifts for Jeongsu made Jongwoon want to take him on more proper dates, and the more they would blush and thank each other, the further the relationship got from ‘until we’re not lonely anymore’. The hand-holding felt different, the kisses were passionate, and they were feeling each other up like they had fallen in love...

When Jongwoon let himself become a demon (in hopes to keep Jeongsu in his life for the long-run), he lost his heartbeat. The sound, the feeling, the phantom taps on his shoulder and the caring nature of the man he loved had him sign another agreement, and in turn, he lost his heartbeat. It was difficult to explain to Jeongsu, but shortly after that, the relationship ended. He would never forget the time when Jeongsu laid on his chest and instantly became concerned, how he watched Jeongsu pace around, questioning if he was okay and ask how it was possible to have a pulse in your wrists without a beating heart, the panic he felt watching him threaten to call an ambulance if he wouldn’t tell him why it was ‘fine’ and so forth. 

Every single day since then, Jongwoon regretted his decision. He and Jeongsu were in love with each other for who they were, nothing to do with money or anything else, but for what was in their hearts. Jongwoon never hated Jeongsu for leaving him, but rather, himself. It was why he would hurt himself and cry buckets at night when Sungmin slept, he could never seem to move on. He realised lost everyone he loved when it was too late. 

While Jongwoon was out gathering party guests with Sungmin, he ran into Jeongsu again. He was still pretty, the only differences between now and the last they met being his natural, dark hair grown out to frame his face and glasses… His glasses… “P-Park Jeongsu?”

“Jongwoon, hi.” Jeongsu smiled slightly, making his dimples visible, he looked to be busy. “Long time, no see.” He sounded shy as well.

“You look different,”

“I’m not blind anymore!” He laughed. “Yeah, I was kinda hoping I would be, but, you know.” Jongwoon didn’t know, but he was glad to see him again. It felt like forever since their eyes had last met, especially like this. “I would love to stay and chat, but I’m working right now.” 

He meant it, too.

“Maybe, over dinner we could chat.”

“Sounds great. I’ve been wanting to apologise to you for so long.”

  
  


Jongwoon left Jeongsu that day with no comment on his line about apologising, but it lingered around in his brain since then. It became clear to him that Jeongsu also blamed himself, but what for? Dating for seven years, there came a time when you accepted that the person you love so deeply is not and will never be perfect, but the image of Jeongsu doing anything that might hurt him was such a hard one to fathom. It ate at him more than he would’ve liked, in the time he spent this way, the rain of the new season added more melancholy than usual to the anxiety-filled air, for it was this weather Jeongsu had grown to like later in their relationship, as he saw it as a time to reflect and be alone once again. The suspense of it all had a good grip on his state, he kept tracing the scars on his wrists with his fingers, thinking the most selfish thoughts he’d thought in a long time — wondering if Jeongsu somehow had a worse secret that made every wound worth nothing. That’s when he had an idea he was convinced wasn’t selfish. It made the anticipation both sad and exciting, like it would be the most freeing moment of Jongwoon’s life. 

  
  


“You’re taking your meds again...? Be careful, please.”

  
  


When the night came, Jeongsu didn’t want to start with small talk, but instead, went straight into apologising. It made sense, considering he was late and Jongwoon had to order his dinner for him, but it made his stomach twist enough to make him briefly question whether or not he wanted to eat every food in sight or throw it all in the garbage.

Jeongsu was dressed in white and black, usual date apparel that left Jongwoon with a very odd feeling about how this would go. “I’m sorry for the way I acted.” Jeongsu said. “I was angry and… scared.”

“You thought I was a monster.” Jongwoon couldn’t go another year without saying it out loud. He knew Jeongsu thought he was a monster, because if not, why would feel like one from the moment he noticed? If not, why was Jongwoon a demon in a human body? Why didn’t Satan just have him killed instead?

“I did,” Jeongsu confessed. “But that’s because you are. You’re a demon, Jongwoon. You’re the same but you’re different now, and I didn’t fall in love with a demon. Or a fraud.” It was painfully visible to Jongwoon that Jeongsu was hurt in saying all this, but it was what he needed to hear. To hear the words you’d been telling yourself the last two years come from a loved one was all the proof you needed sometimes; all the proof you needed to ensure you were not going insane.

“I know, and I’m sorry. When you said you wanted to apologise, I got so worried that you must feel as horrible as I do. I’ve wanted to apologise to you for what feels like forever.”

“Well,” His eyes dropped to the table, like it was his turn to say something he had never said aloud. “It’s been a rough couple years since I’ve been without you. I don't think…”

Jongwoon searched for his eyes. “I don’t think I ever got over you, Jeongsu.”

With tears in his eyes, Jeongsu admitted, “I still love you, Jongwoon. But I can’t trust it, what if it’s all a lie?”

“I still love you, too. I hoped you wouldn’t feel this way, I know your torment. Hurting you was the worst decision I ever made, I would’ve ended our relationship as quickly as it got serious if I knew we would end up like this.”

“We can’t be together again, I’m so sorry.”

“No, I understand. I never imagined it, I love you too much to think that way.”

Silence. Momentary sniffles from Jeongsu’s side, but silence nonetheless.

“This food sucks.” Jeongsu stated. “You didn’t order any for yourself,”

“‘You’re evil’?” Jongwoon’s eyes widened, waiting to hear the end of what he thought would be a lighthearted joke.

“N-no…” Jeongsu smiled. “You should eat more.”

“Oh.” Jongwoons expression relaxed again. “I noticed you said you took a bus here… Would you like a ride home?”

“My food—”

“You don’t have to eat it, you know.”

“Okay.”

  
  


Jongwoon didn’t really expect the night to end with his plan actually being carried out, but…

“Please tell me you’ll buy me a tasty drink, I forgot to get something other than water and the food was… very dry…”

“Cup holder.” 

“Did you drink this already?” Jeongsu said, holding the half-filed Gatorade bottle in front of his face. Jongwoon ignored him, knowing he would drink it anyway.

“Did I get hotter as a demon?”

“Not answering that.” He watched Jeongsu unscrew the lid to the energy drink-disguised cocosion from the side of his eye. He could feel himself starting to sweat, he couldn’t believe what was happening. His plan was not well thought-out, it was almost as if things were meant to happen this way.

Jongwoon wanted to ask that just to smile, because he had a feeling Jeongsu would say that, but he couldn’t bring himself to with knowing what he was doing. “Did you like the world without me in it? I find it to be miserable without you.”

He wiped his lips. “This won’t be the last time we ever talk, will it?” He drank from the bottle again. “I’m so tired.” He said in a yawn. He looked tired when he came into the restaurant, too. Perhaps, it was what having a real job did to a person.

“I can’t answer that.”

“I think I’m gonna go to sleep.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodbye, Jongwoon.”

  
  


The drive wasn’t long. As soon as Jeongsu’s body touched the marshy ground near the lake, Jongwoon stopped for a minute to think of any other way this could be handled, but alas, there was no way they’d ever have each other the same again. They both knew they wouldn’t be able to stay friends for a long time, harbouring such deep love and desire for one another, they were as helpless as addicts. Whenever he glanced upon Jeongsu’s pale, dry lips, he could hear the last words Jeongsu said to him getting louder and he knew there was no other way to let go than to stop the life rapidly flowing within his body. Why would he say ‘goodbye, Jongwoon’, like that? It only made him grow crazier with every passing second he wouldn’t throw the axe into this man. It was like he knew, like he was waiting, compliant, even.

Jongwoons hearing increased with his emotion, letting him hear Jeongsu’s heart pound against his chest the closer he got to his body, and as soon as he couldn’t take it anymore, his sweaty palm held the axe tighter, he shut his eyes tight as he swung the axe over his head and right into Jeongsu’s body. He kept moving, slicing into Jeongsu’s abdomen multiple times, letting his crimson blood decorate his clothes and body until it was too much for his Jeongsu-filled mind to bear.

The once beautiful Jeongsu was going to be the angel he was meant to be, while now his body had met ugliness. The sound of Jeongsu’s voice went away when Jongwoon saw his lips again, the blood jumping from Jeongsu’s agape mouth with each hit got into his hair and on his neck, making this the most miserable sight he’d seen in his entire life, but it would be worth it.

When it was time to carry Jeongsu for the last time, he allowed himself to cry until he was blind with tears. He didn’t want to see Jeongsu off anymore than he had just did, similarly to how Jeongsu didn’t want to see the world without him in it. Although treated nicely and watched over by the angels in Heaven, Jeongsu had no desire to live this way. There were no longer stars trapped behind anything, but only salty tears of absolute misery and hatred for the world. Jongwoon would never love himself, and he wanted Jeongsu to go to a better place before he reached the level of insanity he had. This was far from Jongwoon’s first murder, but this was his first and last one to do out of love and care. Maybe even his last one in general, there was no work left to be done, and he had finally used his mind and memory manipulating ‘gift’ for a real reason.

Only for Jeongsu, Jongwoon would live on until he died naturally. During the drive home, he began to have fantasies absent of Jeongsu, fantasies he would grow old and the heart nobody could hear or feel would stop, that Sungmin would bury him with his brother or with Jeongsu. He wanted to tell Sungmin of what he did today, but when he came inside, Sungmin was passed out on the couch, practicing for his own death. It made Jongwoon think it was better to keep it all to himself and get dressed, clean his shoes and all. Sungmin only knew of one murder he had commit, it was most likely another reason why Sungmin was so protective of him. Sungmin didn’t know anything about why his relationship with Jeongsu ended either because Jongwoon lied about it to keep himself from crying in front of him in a non-psychotic way.

Now the only thing to worry about was the funeral and how to say goodbye.


	4. Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongsu's funeral reunites Donghae and Sungmin.

“Get dressed, we have a funeral to attend.”

“I thought you didn’t know anyone.” Sungmin sighed, placing another piece into his jigsaw puzzle. He had been working on it for a few days now, Jongwoon thought it would be good for him. The gesture was odd to come from him, but Sungmin seemed to enjoy having something to focus on other than the reflections he would try to find in Jongwoons shoes.

“Jeongsu was murdered...” Jongwoon confessed. Sungmin’s focus was still on the puzzle, but his hand stopped moving. “When I was out yesterday, I recognised him on the news and… Did you know he worked for that Donghae guy? Apparently, they were close, too. Small world.”

“Oh, Jongwoon, I’m so sorry.” Sungmin gently placed the puzzle piece in his hand down on the island to pay more attention to what Jongwoon was saying. “I hadn’t seen the news… He didn’t have any ID on him?”

“No, it was sickening. Like he was taken from his home.” Jongwoon gulped, his nose stung, fully aware he had Jeongsu’s ID hidden away in his car. “But, it’s fine.”

“It’s not, I know how much you loved him.”

Sungmin was naive in this situation. He would never know how much Jongwoon loved Jeongsu, especially now, when Jongwoon was past love, but didn’t know of any words to describe it. He liked to think that after Jeongsu had a proper send-off, he would return to him as a ghost or as the angel that would smite him to Hell, but realistically, they would never meet again. However, in a world with the devil and his fancy little contracts, forcing people to suffer more than an eternity in exchange for their souls, nothing looked too impossible, either.

“Should I reschedule my party out of respect?” Sungmin prompted.

“No, they won’t remember any party anyway. Who cares if they’re sad, we’ll say we’re celebrating his life again, wipe their minds and move on.” Jongwoon replied.

Sungmin looked timid now, “Okay, I just thought it would look weird, like, we can’t force them to come, and--” It was weird for Jongwoon to want a party, like he wanted Sungmin to do it for himself.

“Why do you care about me so much?” Jongwoon interrupted.

“I shouldn’t have to answer that, you know why.”

“Right.” He nodded to himself, confusing Sungmin. “Do you think I’m crazy?” He asked again.

“Not any less than I.”

“Gotcha.”

No matter what happened, Jongwoon would live. Sungmin’s job would be to live now, too, so that he could at least have some company while staying alive. When he heard Jeongsu’s heart trying to jump from his chest, a voice in his head reminded him of Sungmin’s innocent theory that humans and demons could never be together. He didn’t know when the devil would come crawling to Sungmin’s feet for his second signature, but his goal was to have him not sign. As Jongwoon had done for years, he wanted to care for Sungmin, but this time, without his demonic abilities.

When Sungmin and Jongwoon had first met, Sungmin was a broke, lonely alcoholic with nobody to talk to but the bartender, being Jongwoon himself. Forbid anything personal happening between them, but one night Sungmin just broke down in tears, talking about everything that troubled him, watching heavy tears flow down his tired, red face, it broke Jongwoon’s mortal heart, compelling him to reach out and help him. When Jongwoon and Sungmin finally became close friends, Jongwoon told him everything about the contract, it’s benefits and all, and he tricked the poor kid into signing it. Since that day with Jeongsu, he had had to live with the fact that Sungmin could hate him for it one day, and in waiting for the moment he would, from Jeongsu’s death on he would stop being lazy and search for ways to keep him from it. For the ten years he’d known the kid, Sungmin never dated anyone, leaving Jongwoon thinking of himself as having a fatherly position, wanting his child to never experience the pain he did.

  
  


“Jeongsu, this is my friend, Sungmin.” A twenty-five year-old Jongwoon was introducing his twenty-six year old boyfriend to his new friend for the first time. It had been two years since they met and a week into Sungmin’s agreement when Jongwoon thought they should live together to keep Sungmin out of trouble. It was temporary at the time; it was a lot different from the way they’d live together in the future.

“Hi, I’m Sungmin! I’m staying at Jongwoon’s place for a bit.”

“Who are you?” Jeongsu asked, looking dumbfounded. Jongwoon knew Sungmin erased his mind just then, he facepalmed, not knowing whether or not Sungmin knew that might make him look like a shitty boyfriend.

“My name is Sungmin, I’m a friend. I’m staying with your boyfriend for a while.”

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you, Sungmin.”

“Sungmin,” Jongwoon interrupted, “a word, please.” Jeongsu cartoonishly stepped out the door, waiting for their ‘word’ to conclude. It made Jongwoon smile right before he was about to say something serious. It was adorable, but it had him start imagining a bigger space he could live someday. “Please don’t manipulate my boyfriend’s mind.”

“I’m sorry, I was only testing it out. I don’t get it, what’s it there for?”

Jongwoon smiled again. “It’s for dating, I guess. To have the most fun you ever wanted with no excuse. You could also do it alone, but I’ve always used it with Jeongsu, so, I wouldn’t know, really. I got into it for fun and with him it’s just… more fun. I was very bored and miserable.” Jongwoon explained.

Sungmin looked confused.

“No, that’s not what it’s for…” His face filled with pale red in embarrassment. “It’s just how  _ I  _ like to use it. I think it’s subjective. Use it however you want.”

“Free booze,”

“Nope. We’re- we’re gonna fix that.”

“Whatever…” He sighed. “Does Jeongsu know about any of this?”

“Please, keep it a secret from him. I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”

  
  


“Jeongsu, I’ve always been embarrassed to admit this, but throughout my entire life, you’ve been one of my only friends. I’m ashamed of how I started to push you away as we got older, I wish I hadn’t so that I could deliver the words you’ve deserved to hear. You were like a third parent, a second older brother, to me, you were always there when nobody else was, and you hadn’t a single hateful bone in your body. You were unreal, like a role model, and I wish to be more like you someday. I’m sorry for the way I treated you, and I’m very sorry it took me this long to realise. You deserved better.” Donghae and Jeongsu really were close, surprisingly enough.

“Jeongsu was an amazing friend,” Sungmin shook his head to remind him not to say what he was about to, Jongwoon nodded, but quickly changed his mind. “And even more than that, an amazing boyfriend.” Sungmin facepalmed. “I don’t know how many of you knew this already, but Jeongsu and I were together for a little under a decade and I cherish, yet regret every second of it. I, too, treated Jeongsu in ways he did not deserve, I lied to him frequently, and that’s why I won’t lie today. I lied to Jeongsu to see him smile, I thought I could love him through words I spoke between falsehoods and crossed fingers, and when he found out, the look in his eyes broke my heart, but I deserved it. A day shall never come where I think I did not deserve it. Jeongsu and I will never reunite in the after-life, but I’m glad we won’t. I am the monster who fell in love with a god, I spent years waiting for his wrath but I was always met with forgiveness. Jeongsu was a person the world needed. May he rest in peace.” 

Some attendees did not look too forgiving, but Jongwoon could care less. “Nice going,” Sungmin whispered.

“When you turn out to be gay and your boyfriend dies I’m gonna do the same shit and you see how you like it.” Jongwoon whispered back.

“What if we don’t lie to each other?”

“Bad time.” Sungmin hid his quiet giggle behind his hand. He remained silent until the end of the service, but as he tried to leave, Donghae approached him.

“Hey. Mr. No-name, how did you know my friend?”

“Why are you calling me that?”

“Because when we met, you didn’t give your name.” He wasn’t supposed to remember that. Sungmin tried again. “How do you know my friend?”  _ What the fuck _ .

“I’m a close friend of Jongwoon. I was never close to Jeongsu, but we became well-acquainted.”

“Makes sense, you’re both fucking liars.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know what you did. You think you can just waltz into the big building and not invite the CEO to your party? You manipulated all the employees for no reason. I want you to know that two can play at that game.” Donghae bit his bottom lip again, the same way he did when they met.

“I’m so sorry, did you want an invite? I didn’t want you to come because I don’t like the way you look at me.”

“I’ll be there whether you like it or not. You can’t play games with me.” Donghae started toward the other direction.

“Don’t you want to grieve your friend?!” Sungmin called. Donghae raised a dismissive hand and kept walking toward his car. “He just died?!” Sungmin found himself disgusted, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Someone threw a soft-drink cup at Jongwoons car as they drove away, but Jongwoon didn’t care, he said what he needed to say.

“So, now I’m hearing that you’re a liar? What really happened?”

“I lied to Jeongsu about being a demon. More so, I never told him. I thought you could figure that out, I told you when we first met, man.”

“...So, I was right about the curse thing.”

“I guess so.”

“You always said it was ‘idiotic, but adorable’.”

“It’s still that way, since you bring it up.”

“I’m not in my 20s anymore, Jongwoon. I’m an adult, too, you can stop with the ‘cute’ shit.”

“Please always stay human, Sungmin.”

“So you can say ‘goo goo, ga ga, you’re pathetic’?” Sungmin mocked in a child-like tone. “How would I even protect you?”

Jongwoon wanted to suggest, ‘by making friends’, but instead he sarcastically replied, “Precisely, so I can make fun of you for being human.” Sungmin playfully hit him, making him smile slightly. ‘Protect you’, adorable. He wanted to tell Sungmin everything as a warning, but he didn’t want to come off as babying the thirty-one year old. All he wanted was the best for Sungmin, even if he was a bit strange.

  
  
  


“JONGWOON, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Please shut up. “Babe, I don’t feel your heartbeat, are- are you okay? I thought you were dead!” Please shut up. Please shut up. “PLEASE SPEAK TO ME!” 

Please shut up. “I’m fine,” Please shut up.

Please shut up. Please shut up. “YOU’RE NOT FINE! TELL ME WHY YOU’RE FINE.” Please shut up. Please shut up. Please shut up. Please shut up. “I’m calling the fucking ambulance.” Please shut up.

“NO, PLEASE DON’T, LISTEN, I’M--”

  
Please shut up.  _ Jeongsu, stop yelling. I’m okay, please. Jeongsu _ …


	5. The Reconstruction of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae speaks in riddles. an odd, childish fear brings Sungmin back to a dark time. as usual, he doesn't expect Jongwoon to care, but to his surprise...

The night of the party brought some unexpected guests to the door. Sungmin had given up on following what Jongwoon had said, but it made him feel guilty, especially now. The police came, followed by Donghae, who looked particularly angry at first. Jongwoon was in questioning for Jeongsu’s murder, Donghae was just here to taunt Sungmin. Sungmin felt as if tonight would be the night the world came to an end, but he tried to keep himself calm by just speaking to the man. Donghae, of course, wasn’t interested in conversation, he kept trying to ‘lead on’ a man so sick with worry he could vomit.

“Donghae, please leave. I don’t understand--”

“Don’t understand what?”

“Your friend just  _ died _ ,” Sungmin said, wide-eyed.

“Seems like he was your friend more than mine.”

“You are clearly grieving, please leave my house. I have my own issues to deal with.”

“I told you already, I didn’t call the cops on your friend, besides,”

“Are you sad, Donghae? Because--” The question made Donghae laugh, amused Sungmin would think so lowly of the mask he spent so long on. Sungmin’s face was coloured with frustration, watching Donghae repeatedly hit the leather seat only made his colour darker. “Leave my house.”

“So sorry,” Donghae wiped the little tears that had formed in his eyes. “I don’t wish to yell at you, so I’m going to ask, are  _ you  _ sad? You shouldn’t ask questions like that to me. You know, I searched your name right after I heard it. I couldn’t find  _ shit  _ about you! Do you even have a job? A friend besides this nutcase? Are you  _ fucking  _ sad?” The aggression in his tone scared Sungmin back to the memory of a time he kept locked away. He wholeheartedly felt he would cry if Donghae had just said that and left, but he was still there, smiling like a jackass. Sungmin’s vision dropped to his hands, which were now squeezing each other to keep himself calm.

He didn’t know if he could speak anymore, he knew dismissal was pointless and that Jongwoon wasn’t here to help him. He felt hopeless like he did back then, so young and defenseless that it made him start to feel heavy. It had convinced him that maybe Donghae was the one who requested Jongwoon to be investigated and he had just been way too naive. He felt stupid to only now realise that Donghae just wanted him alone. Sungmin felt himself losing his breath when Donghae cleared his throat and said, ‘I’ll be your friend’, as if it were an apology to everything he had just said. Sungmin was feeling so many things at once that he didn’t know what to say. He knew he wanted Donghae gone, but he also knew that if he let Donghae go after his lines, he’d sink back into his own depressive episode, in which he gets so lonely and he and Jongwoon don’t speak for a week, fantasies of Jongwoon finding his dead body would return and—

Donghae offered his hand, he was in front of him now. “I am sorry. I’ll be your friend.”

“No,” Sungmin tried to sound confident in his answer, but it came out very shaky and miserable. He lifted his gaze to catch Donghae’s cold, soulless eyes. “Why would I be your friend after what you just said to me?”

“You want an answer? Fine,” Donghae started. “I am very much attracted to you and I want you to like me, that’s it.”

Not wishing to anger him further, Sungmin surrendered. “Can we be friends without you thinking with your dick?”

Donghae offered his hand again. “I’m sure we’ll wind up back there eventually.” Sungmin shook his hand. Deep-down, he knew it was an act of self-hatred, but maybe it would be nice. Being friends with this creep or not, life would be miserable, but at least he would have someone to communicate with that he didn’t have to talk to first.

“Donghae,” Sungmin wanted to give Donghae some more ‘rules’, but he was distracted by the noise the door made when Jongwoon came in. They really needed to fix that. Donghae prompted ‘what’ over and over, but Sungmin changed his mind on continuing, waiting to watch Jongwoon slide in through the door and angrily rant about how much of a waste of time it was. He completely forgot Donghae there for a second, ready to comfort his parasite friend, but when he came in, the first look on his face was that of shock upon seeing Donghae.

“Your place is so big.” Donghae stated, looking directly at Jongwoon. “Only you two live here? Reminds me of a movie villain.” Sungmin knew this man spoke in nonsense, but this might be a show worth watching. 

Wrong, Sungmin was far too sensitive to watch this.

“Donghae?” Jongwoon lifted an eyebrow, intrigued.

“Actually, I don’t watch many movies, but I watched this one recently where this woman lived alone in a huge house and she killed people— like, her husband. Pulling up here, I thought it was funny. I guess the only thing keeping you from looking completely evil is Sungmin, here, but the woman did have guests.” Sungmin hadn’t a clue what Donghae was saying but he had a feeling something bad was about to happen. As the anxiety set in, his sweat ran cold.

“How did you know where I lived?” Jongwoon’s anger was present, but his face was still relaxed. Sungmin wanted to butt-in, but he knew self-defence would only make things worse.

“Sungmin invited me to a party, then he got scared and said no. Seeing you live here… Maybe, I have some business to take care of. Even if they think you’re innocent, I know the games you play, I can convince them the opposite.” 

Jongwoon’s lips pressed together to make a straight line, completely understanding what this meant. “Why are you so keen on me killing him?”

Sungmin sunk his body behind a wall, just as he used to in any situation that Jeongsu and Jongwoon— or his parents— would fight in. Just as he practiced in his childhood, he tried to go to a place he could filter out the nonsense for something better.  _ One minute _ …

  
  


‘How are you these days, mom? I know it’s been a while, but I haven’t stopped missing you… I don’t think you’d be too proud of who I am, but at least this way, I know you’ll just smile at whatever.’

No response.

‘You know, when you left us, you left a lot of stuff. Dad said not to touch it, but I hid necklaces in my palm. You know, the ones that feel like metal string? I took two or three, then came back for the pearl one. That one scared me, but dad never noticed. I still have it, actually— the pearl one. Sometimes, I like to…’

  
  


“Leave already!” Jongwoon shouted.

“I want to say bye to Sungmin.” Donghae’s voice was still eerily calm. Sungmin had every right to be afraid in this situation, it had been so long since he last heard something like this.

“He’s not your fucking friend!”

  
  


‘I know you didn’t mean to leave me. I know dad scared you a lot, but I’ll always cherish the memories we made before you left. I just wish I got to see you again… Mom, where are you?’

  
  


“He’s fucking  _ crazy _ , but not in the way you are, that’s why I like him.”

“What’s ‘crazy’?”

“He thinks I can’t tell when he’s going to cry, so he tries not to. He’s probably off crying somewhere now. It’s really pathetic, most people just weep.”

“What did you do to him…?”

  
  


_ The next _ …

‘You’re never to touch these.’

‘But I was cleaning them, you knocked them over!’

‘You can talk to your mother that way, but not me. I am not your friend, I’m your father.’

‘Yes, I’m sorry.’

‘Go to your bed.’

‘Will she be back soon?’

‘Just go.’

  
  


Slam. A slap back from the corners of his mind and into the present once again. The irritating sound the door made earlier was probably hidden behind the impact. Jongwoon knew exactly where to find Sungmin, and it was either because of their bond, or he saw him head off. “You’re friends with that guy?” Jongwoon asked, his voice was rough with dying fury.

“It might’ve been a self-destructive agreement, but he was the one begging me.” Sungmin brought his knees up to his face and leaned in. “I felt like I needed a friend for once. I’m too old to live this way.” He mumbled. How did Donghae know Sungmin didn’t kill his friend? That in itself made him insecure that he hadn’t gotten anything from life but a past of alcoholism and a recently failed sobriety. 

Jongwoon crouched down to Sungmin’s level. He put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him. It was really odd to Sungmin, but he couldn’t judge, they’d never been in this situation before. “I’m so sorry, Sungmin. You shouldn’t hurt yourself like that.”

“I’m not a child, but, neither should you. Like, the burning and—”

“I know...” Jongwoon trailed. “I guess you can get carried away sometimes, but seeing you like this, I think I finally know how it feels to be in your shoes.”

“Why do you care about me?” If Jongwoon had always been this way, why would he let Sungmin alone when he didn’t speak to him? Why did Sungmin always hide his tears if Jongwoon had cared this way the entire time?

“I feel like, in recent years, I’ve ignored you. We used to be better friends and then I did that thing…” He mumbled. “fucking stupid…” Carrying on, he said, “You cared for me so much and lately I feel like I haven’t appreciated you at all. I care for you because you’re my friend. It’s just been a while since I showed it.”

Sungmin remembered the gift Jongwoon got him a few weeks ago— the Jigsaw puzzle. He realised he hadn’t thought much of it himself. Maybe it hasn’t been ‘a while’, maybe he was too selfish to see what was right in front of him. Sungmin hid his face to sob. “Thank you,”

“Oh, there’s no reason for that, I’m your friend, I always have been.” Jongwoon wrapped his arms around Sungmin’s body in a hug that would last until Sungmin calmed down. Sungmin held Jongwoons sleeve with his fingers to keep him close, which Jongwoon found strange, but then he remembered this was a new era— he could finally get to know Sungmin better now that their feelings were on the table. No more Jeongsu to distract him, no more closed off feelings and no more unwritten boundaries. They could finally bond and be closer friends, the way that their fate had intended from the moment Jongwoon took pity on him ten years ago. It was nice to finally know something for sure; it was nice to finally have clarification that Sungmin would never leave him. 

“Jongwoon,” Sungmin sniffled. 

“Yes, Sungmin?”

“Donghae will be back, you know. He won’t leave me alone.”

“Maybe I’ll kill him for you.”

“That would be great.”

  
  


‘Hey, kid!’ A startled young Sungmin quickly hid a pearl necklace under his pillow. ‘You have the best dad in the world.’ The lady exclaimed. She was holding a towel around her body, but she wasn’t wet. Sungmin nodded his head in agreement. ‘If you’re anything like him, you’re gonna make a lot of people happy one day.’

A faceless smile. She quickly faded back into the imaginary world the household once held.

The child took the necklace out again. He ran over to close his door, then rushed over to the mirror on his wall. Using a chair to get up to his reflection, he watched himself as he slid the necklace over his head and around his neck. He stared at his reflection blanky for a few seconds, then he began to smile. He never really saw his mother wear this necklace except for a few fancy dinners, but that was where Sungmin saw her happiest within the walls that once trapped her. He began to pose cutely in the mirror, like he forgot the item was supposed to be out of his reach, but that was the first time in his life that he felt like he didn’t care. Of course, nobody would ever know he had it, but it was the only pearl necklace his mother owned. If his father noticed it was gone, he wouldn’t know what would happen to him, but in the moment, he didn’t care; he was too happy to care.

  
  


As Sungmin grew, he kept the pearl necklace close. It became his lucky charm with job-hunting and leaving his father, but it didn’t protect him from the addiction he was going to develop. A dependency on alcohol to lift him after every bad day ate at him like bugs ate at a rotting body, but it did bring him to Jongwoon. Jongwoon was a bartender who was working many days at Sungmin’s go-to bar. Jongwoon was eventually fired from the job, which Sungmin had blamed himself for to this day, but Jongwoon always had told him it had nothing to do with him. Jongwoon helped Sungmin out of his addiction so he could pay his rent, but it was when Jongwoon got frustrated that he revealed his secrets. Soon, Sungmin decided to follow him. That’s how he was here now. Who knows who Sungmin would be if Jongwoon never cared for him. Perhaps he didn’t give Jongwoon enough credit.


	6. Dead On Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae still speaks in nonsense. acts in it, too. ‘Sungmin,’ Jongwoon said, ‘you remind me of Jeongsu, too.’

The friendship idea was not as bad as it sounded. He now had the option to make Sungmin fall for him rather than a one-time hookup. He was very much a fool in Donghae’s eyes, Donghae felt he could see right through him. His caring nature, meekness, and his shining insecurities that he tried to hide behind the lightest of fabrics. It was like Sungmin could do no wrong, so it didn’t make sense to him that a person like Jongwoon could ever be his friend. The inability to see into Sungmin’s mind made messing with him sound even more thrilling, like it was a game with real-life prizes. It was only Jongwoon who would be the obstacle.

Donghae knew Jongwoon killed Jeongsu, his sudden hatred wasn’t irrational at all. Although he didn’t know Jeongsu hid their relationship, it was a long time ago when Donghae found out he was in one. The couple had been going through a rough patch at the time, it seemed. Jeongsu was sitting in his office holding his head in his hands, mumbling something about separating. Originally, Donghae ignored this, but at the funeral, it clicked. Sure, it was a long-shot, but ‘almost a decade’ was a dead giveaway. There was no way somebody as pathetic as Jeongsu would be in a relationship that long, unless the person was as pathetic as Sungmin’s tall, little boyfriend.

Donghae’s words at the funeral were not genuine in the slightest, but over time, he started to recognise the nightmare that they could be. Sex was becoming a meaningless engagement, he wanted to see Sungmin again as soon as he could. Sungmin could butter him up with nice things and give him the hugs he needed (if he ‘did it’ right). When Jeongsu was alive and Donghae felt this way, he would walk into his house with his spare key and tell him what to do. What would make Sungmin any different?

Of course, there were times when Donghae preferred to be alone, but if he could manage to take the questions out of Sungmin’s throat and shred them, he might not need to be alone again. He noticed Sungmin was scared of him when he snapped and asked him the same question. It was very funny watching him try not to cry, squeezing his hand like Donghae couldn’t see it, but he had to put on a straight-face. He wanted to have him somehow. And luckily, Sungmin was still insane.

It had been two weeks since he visited the creepy mansion occupied by two, but if he played his cards right, it could be three. He wondered what kind of bed Sungmin slept in, what kind of secrets he held that Donghae could hold above him. Sungmin wasn’t threatening already, he only wanted to see him try.

Donghae parked his car next to Jongwoons, ignoring the temptation to crash into it. It was too early in his love story for the heroic climax, now was only the beginning. He knocked at the door three times before putting on a friendly face and stretching. Jongwoon answered. “You aren’t welcome here, go home.”

“I think Sungmin should be the judge of that.” Donghae’s expression screamed a plea, but Jongwoon knew better. Luckily for Donghae, Jongwoon only scowled before backing off. Assuming he texted Sungmin rather than yell, because Donghae noticed Sungmin slowly come down the stairs.

“We aren’t friends,” Sungmin said, holding his own hand again. What was he so scared of?

“I want to show you something. I did want to be your friend, you know. I am sorry.”

“Why did you park if you were just going to leave again?”

“Just come with me, please.” Donghae grabbed his hand, making Sungmin flinch. He knew he couldn’t say ‘no’ now. Soon enough, they were together in Donghae’s car.

Donghae tried to ask Sungmin questions about Jongwoon, but he wouldn’t answer. Getting off the mountain of resentment he held for the man was difficult, but he had to do it. Sungmin was a human— just like him— who couldn’t be manipulated by the power they both held. “I’m going to the flower shoppe, I want to leave flowers for Jeongsu.” Donghae said, expecting Sungmin would compliment him.

Silence.

“You know, you remind me of Jeongsu.”

Finally, his interest was caught. “How so?”

“You didn’t know him well, but he was always so sweet. He was a great friend to me. I think you could be, too.” 

“‘To me’,” Sungmin repeated. His hands had found their way onto each other again. There was really nothing to be scared of. Donghae had a feeling Sungmin wanted to say something else, but he asked, “is that just the way you talk?”

“Why?” Donghae smirked to himself. “Do you like it?”

“I don’t know,” He mumbled.

Sungmin was an interesting character. Maybe this was a game to him, too. He needed to get into his head. “Tell me about yourself, what do you like?”

Sungmin rolled down his window, letting the wind play with his hair. He squinted cutely before rolling it back up again. Did he know he was cute? Jeongsu thought Donghae was cute without knowing, so Donghae only thought he could be cute. Donghae couldn’t help but notice his chance to charm him further, so he parked his car to the side of the road and rested his head on the seat, looking at Sungmin longingly until he would quit avoiding eye contact and give in. He seemed very scared for a second, but he started, “I guess I’ve always really liked games. Games with rules and stories where the player is the hero. I don’t play very often, though. Not since my early 20s.” He still looked shy, avoiding making eye contact. It was frustrating. “What about you?”

“I love to watch movies,” Donghae rarely watched movies. Donghae used movies and television as background noise when he slept. He would never admit that, so instead he would tell people he loved cinema. “My favourite movie is Kill Bill.” And Donghae actually did enjoy Kill Bill. He loved the fight scenes too much. He could never sleep if it was on.

“I’ve never seen it fully. But I do like the second part, I’ve seen that one…” The second part wasn’t Donghae’s favourite, but how Sungmin had only seen the ending rather than the full story did intrigue him. He thought they’d have to watch the first one together, for sure. “My favourite movie is…” He trailed. “Never mind.”

“Is that the movie name?”

“Nope, I just realised I don’t watch movies too often.”

“I can change that.” Sungmin squeezed his own hand again, pissing Donghae off enough to just grab it. “Stop that.” His hand was warm, either from the sun or the squeezing, but it annoyed him enough to let go as quickly as he grabbed it, like Sungmin was gross or something. Sungmin let his hand fall as if it were an object. He didn’t want to say anything, so he watched as Donghae started his car and got back on the road. At the next red light, Sungmin tried to sit on his hands, but Donghae grabbed his arm and pulled one out from under instead. “Just stop.” He demanded.

“What did you want to show me?” Sungmin asked awkwardly. 

“Nothing, now. Next turn I make is the one that takes you back to your boy-toy’s.”

“But I want to see, I want to be your friend.” Sungmin confessed. “And Jongwoon and I—”

“Do you still have your heartbeat?” Donghae asked, turning his car back to the direction Sungmin resided. 

“I do, but—”

“Keep it for the next time we meet, I want to feel it.”

“Donghae, if I do that then I can’t change my mind after.”

“Sure you can. They would probably come crawling back to you, anyway.” He fibbed. There was nothing about this man that was worthy of being a demon. “Besides, Jongwoon already keeps you locked away, like you’re some secret princess or something, what if demons feel the same?”

“I stay with Jongwoon because I want to. We’re—”

“‘Fucking’, I know.” Donghae was becoming aggressive. “I’ll give you my number and next time I come, you just let me in. I don’t want to waste gas like this ever again.” Instead of squeezing, Sungmin began running his thumb over his fingers instead. That was how Donghae knew he would be back. “You’re my favourite person, Sungmin. I’m glad I met you.” Sungmin was staring out into the sky, watching the sun set, the window was down again, most likely so the night cold could drown Donghae’s words but he knew it wasn’t working.

  
  


When Sungmin returned home, he began to stare at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling. There wasn’t anything to cry about, but he knew he would anyway. When Jongwoon saw him, he only looked in amusement before asking Sungmin if he was okay, but Sungmin still wasn’t speaking. Then Jongwoon asked Sungmin if he had his keys on him, making Sungmin explain he didn’t, but immediately after the fact, he remembered locking the door behind him. “Wait…” He said. Jongwoon’s face grew confused, his eyes began to wander and he started up to Sungmin’s bedroom. Sungmin lowered his face and started feeling his pockets. Were they in Donghae’s car? He tried to call Donghae, hoping he would just put him on speaker or something, but instead the number was for a pizza place. If Sungmin were as stupid as Donghae thought, he would think this was a mistake, but he knew.

Donghae was going to sneak into the house. Donghae had his keys. Sungmin let his guard down and let Donghae have his keys. ‘Next time I come, you just let me in’, ‘I want to feel it’, ‘you’re my favourite person’, ‘you remind me of Jeongsu’... what kind of relationship did Donghae have with Jeongsu?

“Jongwoon. It’s okay,” Sungmin called, heading up the stairs. “Jongwoon,”

Jongwoon had opened Sungmin’s top drawer, the drawer Sungmin kept filled with makeup and the pearl necklace from his childhood. “I’m sorry, I just usually keep junk in mine, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“No, it’s fine.” Sungmin couldn’t be mad, Jongwoon wasn’t Donghae. “When I was a kid, my mother left my family suddenly. This stuff makes me feel connected to her, I—I haven’t seen her since.”

“I feel like you’ve told me this before, it’s okay.”

“The necklace is hers,” Sungmin said, approaching Jongwoon. He would much rather talk about this than worry Jongwoon with whatever was on his mind a minute ago. Not that he thought Jongwoon would stop him from seeing Donghae or anything, but because he knew Donghae just needed help. “I’ve had it since the week she vanished.”

“I’m so sorry, Sungmin… Do you ever wear this stuff?”

“Yes, I do. But not all the time.”

“Are you any good at it? Jeongsu was like this, too, sorta.”

This was the second time he had been compared to Jeongsu today, but this time for a real reason. “I don’t think I’m good at it, but Jeongsu? That’s surprising.”

“It was a secret between us.” Jongwoon smiled. “But he liked it just to look ‘prettier’ or to have it smeared later… I know that’s gross but, that was what he liked.”

“It’s not like that, but I’m happy you see him in me. You loved Jeongsu.”

“I do, I love Jeongsu.” Jongwoon shut the drawer gently. “Again, I’m so sorry. But you can wear makeup around the house if you want. I don’t mind. I’m so shocked because you and him have something in common.”

A small smile grew on Sungmin’s face.. “Thank you, Jongwoon. I’m thankful I don’t have to keep secrets from you.”

“Oh, never! I’m so happy we can start over like this.”

Jongwoon saying that he and Jeongsu had such secrets made Sungmin think that there was a chance he really had nothing to worry about when it came to Donghae, but to make sure, he asked Jongwoon another question. “How did you date Jeongsu so long without his family knowing?”

“That was his own secret. But Jeongsu didn’t have much family, so I couldn’t imagine it being too hard. I noticed Donghae had no idea, though. I told him when we met while identifying Jeongsu’s body. He just said a slur under his breath, making him a suspect, but he got out of it quickly. It wasn’t him who called the police, I knew after that, that I was already next in line.”

“Donghae called Jeongsu a slur?”

“Yes, he did.”

So what would Donghae want with Sungmin?


	7. A Night In Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> like the bugs that eat your flesh when you’re six-feet under...

Jongwoon was no stranger to pain. Inflicting it, putting it upon himself and inflicting it in greater ways — such as killing. The first time was an accident, and although he was panicked, he felt relieved. Jongwoon didn’t use any abilities for his first charge, he did it fairly as there was no reason to run, but in the insignificant moments he did, he felt a rush of adrenaline tickle at his skin. Violent crimes were of course not limited to murder, but murder was the most thrilling one. The accidental killing of his first victim occurred during his mourning period. After Jongwoon had been finished with the case, he developed a late obsession with death and pain. He would request to be choked and hit during sex, but Jeongsu was growing concerned. When Jeongsu finally expressed his worry, Jongwoon was confused. He didn’t know how to tell him how exciting it was to have killed somebody, but of course, he let him know a thing or two. Lying to Jeongsu for so long already, Jongwoon couldn’t keep everything to himself. Jeongsu helped set Jongwoon up with a therapist, but Jongwoon cancelled on the first day, claiming ‘nobody should know’, which made Jeongsu very upset with him for a short period of time. Of course, Jeongsu didn’t tell anybody of this, for he had no-one he trusted on the same level, but he never kept the feelings in his head. He would angrily mumble or sometimes even write his frustrations down in a journal. Words he couldn’t articulate through word-of-mouth occasionally came to Jongwoon through handwriting. Jeongsu had written about this.

What Jeongsu would never know, however, is that Jongwoon started to kill people in his leisure time after they split. Jongwoon had made headlines before as a killer whose witnesses are struck with ‘amnesia’. If Jeongsu had ever suspected him, it would be written and hidden away.

Jeongsu lived in an apartment complex. Not the most luxurious, but enough to contain him and his minimalism. Jeongsu wasn’t a huge fan of decor or spending money, in the earlier years of his relationship with Jongwoon he would be so easily amused by well-decorated places and big rooms, it was what inspired Jongwoon to purchase his mansion. Jeongsu’s face of awe was another thing he loved about him. Unfortunately, they never got to live together properly. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, though, Jeongsu ‘needed’ his home.

Getting into Jeongsu’s apartment was easier than it looked. It was like nobody cared to once think Jeongsu had a home, too. His notes of rage could be hidden in an office-desk at the big company he worked at, but there was no way that hadn’t already been cleared. 

Jeongsu’s bedroom walls were white and empty, his bed set beige and made and the top of his dresser seemed to act as a nightstand. An empty glass, the bible neatly placed against the wall, a few writing utensils and a comb for his hair. For old time’s sake, Jongwoon opened the top drawer of Jeongsu’s dresser, knowing he would only find lipsticks, he also found a small, folded piece of blank paper. Jongwoon took his gloves off carefully to view the content of the paper. It only read:

‘Jongwoon, call me.’ With his updated phone number written underneath. Jongwoon stared at it feeling defeated. Either, Jeongsu had wanted to get back with him and changed his mind, or Jeongsu thought it was too early to re-enter the relationship.

Jongwoon put his gloves back on and got to checking the other drawers, rummaging through his clothes and gentle as he could, waiting to feel anything different. These letters addressing suspicion could’ve been written at any time and they could’ve been anywhere. Opening Jeongsu’s closet, Jongwoon was met with a wave of black and white clothing. He felt like he was in an old movie until he put his hand in front of him. He began to check the shoe boxes scattered across the closet floor. Surprisingly enough, the first box he checked had Jongwoon’s name written on the inside of it. Before opening any folded papers, he checked a few other boxes for shoes and each time he opened, he was met with shoes. It was strange that Jeongsu kept his letters to Jongwoon at the front of the closet, but maybe he missed him more than he let on. Jongwoon took off his gloves again, and the first one he opened read:

‘Jongwoon, I want your money… Management skills.’ It made Jongwoon smile. He remembered when Jeongsu had first handed him a letter, it became a joke between them for about a week. Jongwoon teased him about it and in return, he would get a few of these. 

‘I don’t like Sungmin around, I get jealous. That sounds very rude of me but I don’t know how to bring it up. I don’t hate him or anything like that, I know you two are only friends, but I have a problem with being possessive and I don’t know how to say it out loud. I just need you to know because—’ It was a long-letter. Jongwoon remembered reading it and nodding his head like he understood, but he didn’t understand it at all. Jeongsu eventually had to say it out loud, which was upsetting to Jongwoon, but it was a stepping-stone for their relationship. Helping Jeongsu through his insecurities made Jongwoon aware of his own, and although the process was stressful, it benefit the both of them.

‘Jongwoon, we can’t keep doing this.’ This letter was unrecognisable, but Jongwoon continued reading. ‘I know you’re hiding something from me, I just don’t know what it is. All the work we did with trusting each other wears off when I question this. I believe you are the only one for me, one day, I do want to move in and be with you forever, but nobody knows what you do for a living. You always have a job, but you seem to have more money than most people working there every single time. I know, I’m writing this so long into our relationship, but the reason you only hear this now is because I’ve been so scared of losing you. I fear this might be too sensitive a topic and I’m also… selfish. I love the trips we go on together and all the other cool stuff we do. I don’t want to lose it because it makes me feel alive.’ The rest of the letter was scribbled out, which was probably the reason why Jongwoon had never received it. He felt a lump in his throat as he read it, his nose starting to sting and his eyes becoming wet with the tears they held. A single tear raced down his face, landing into the letter he held below him, leading him to make the decision to take the entire box home. However, there was no guarantee if any letter about the ‘amnesia inducing killer’ would be in the box, so he decided he would only skim the papers for hints.

‘Masochism was never your style before— I’m writing this because we don’t live together yet— I do want to be with you for the rest of my life— Breaking up with you was not easy— The fire was not my fault— You know I am an honest man— My friend Donghae—’

_ ‘My friend Donghae’ _

“My friend Donghae might know I’m in a relationship. I’ve known Donghae for pretty much his whole life, I think he was born in the same year as Sungmin, but I don’t think I ever brought him up before. Donghae is my friend, but he hasn’t exactly been the nicest since his teenage years. He only listens to me, though, so I like to stay near him and in contact with him the most I can. He has weird tendencies, but he seems to enjoy that I keep him close?… Anyway, I think he knows because he might have seen my screen while we were texting. I kind of don’t want him to know because he can be very rude, still. I don’t know, I’m really paranoid, haha.” Jongwoon read monotonously. It was another letter he never received. Jongwoon folded it back up and slipped it into his pocket, smiling in a passive-aggressive manner at the memory of Donghae calling Jeongsu a slur over his dead body. 

Jongwoon hesitantly continued going through the letters until he found one that only said, ‘I know you’re the killer, Jongwoon. I wish I could’ve saved you before you signed that thing. Please climb down from the headlines soon. The man I fell in love with may be a demon now, but that doesn’t mean the potential he has to be that man has left him. Please wake up.’


	8. ‘That Thing’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae and Sungmin have a decision to make. they make the wrong choice.

Donghae was difficult to communicate with without being insulted or slapped, but the more time Sungmin tried to understand him, the more Donghae would grow to like him and ‘let him in’. Sungmin was no longer as desperate for a friend as he was before Jongwoon decided to come back to him, but Donghae was like a project. Not a project like a Jigsaw puzzle, but sometimes, it could be described that way. Donghae had familiar behaviours to people in his family —his family that hurt him so much he ran without looking back —and seeing someone like that made him want to help out. Sungmin thought that if one day, Donghae were to end up like his father, he might hurt his children the way his father had hurt him. Bonding with Donghae was the least natural feeling in the world, but as he got used to it, he started to think of Donghae as more of a good friend rather than a work in progress.

It had been a few months since their newfound ‘friendship’, the rain was struggling to say goodbye and the sun was starting to burn against Sungmin’s skin. He often found himself daydreaming about all the things he and Donghae could do in the hot weather, and all the places they could go, just like Jongwoon and Jeongsu used to do. The only thing keeping Sungmin from proposing such ideas to Donghae was that Donghae had grown to be in love with the idea of being in love. Sungmin stopped visiting him at his job and calling him when he was bored because he was afraid of the thought that Donghae might love him. He never dreamt of having such a relationship with anybody, and if he and Donghae went on a vacation together and Donghae were to say anything, he wanted to avoid the awkward conversation about doing such things as ‘friends’.

Donghae’s new obsession was good for him, though. He started to lay back from old habits and take more time to read books and study things he was interested in. Donghae even told Sungmin that he wanted to go back to school, which made Sungmin think similar things. Sungmin and Donghae’s friendship was beneficial to the both of them, Sungmin was beginning to respect himself more and think that maybe he could work in a nursing home or hospital. He wanted to be a person again so badly, the contract became more and more forgettable.

  
  


While vacuuming the hallways, Sungmin noticed a tiny, blue box peeking out from underneath Jongwoons bed. His door was usually left open, but Sungmin had never noticed such a thing before. Intrigued, Sungmin decided to enter Jongwoon’s room. The walls were maroon and the decor was mostly black, his red bed set was no longer kept behind black canopy curtains, though. Sungmin always assumed they were just rolled up, but they were completely gone. Sungmin sat himself down on the floor and gently moved the box onto his lap. When he opened it, he saw Jongwoon’s name written on the inside, indicating this must be for him rather than by him, then a crushed piece of paper with Donghae’s name written on it caught his attention. His expression went from calm to annoyed as he carefully unfolded the bigger creases. He felt like he was a child again, recovering his mothers pearl necklace while his father slept on the couch. The letter read, ‘My friend Donghae might know I’m in a relationship.’...

When Sungmin reached the end of the letter, he was saddened to learn that even a person like Jeongsu couldn’t get as close to Donghae as he had. Sungmin still believed that the words Donghae said at the funeral were genuine, and reading this made it even more clear to him that they were. Still, he has questions about this box, so he grabbed another folded piece of paper and started aloud, “Jongwoon, I know you’re the killer—”

“Sungmin?” Sungmin’s eyes widened and he quickly placed the letter back inside the box before turning around.

“You’re a killer? What killer?” Sungmin looked confused. Jongwoon looked nervous.

“I recently found this box of letters Jeongsu wrote to me when he had trouble communicating,” He explained, ignoring the question. “Most of them are paranoia, Jeongsu wasn’t the most mentally stable.” Jongwoon’s tone was hopeful, but luckily, Sungmin looked to have bought it.

“I read the letter about Donghae,” Jongwoon felt himself getting hotter, he didn’t want to talk about any of the letters anymore. “I feel bad for Jeongsu, I hope Donghae can make it up to him while he lives.” Jongwoon smiled awkwardly.

“Me too, I know how much you care about him. I’m happy you’ve found a friend— I’m happy he doesn’t hurt you anymore.” Sungmin got up off the ground, taking the box with him to hand back to Jongwoon, forgetting for a minute that Jongwoon was taller and their eyes would never exactly meet.

“Don’t think about these too much, okay? He was paranoid, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Sungmin picked up the vacuum from the hallway and made his way back downstairs. Jongwoon was still stood in place when he shouted after him, 

“Sungmin, you don’t have to clean alone anymore!” Jongwoon set down the box and rushed in Sungmin’s direction. “I want to be a better friend, I’m sorry I’ve been making you do all the work around here. I’ll join you from now on.”

Sungmin smiled happily in acceptance, then continued on his way down.

Sungmin couldn’t fully bring himself to believe Jeongsu was ‘paranoid’. Sure, he had admitted to it in his letter about Donghae, but Jeongsu didn’t seem as paranoid as he would be possessive. When Sungmin started living with Jongwoon, the couple would go to Jeongsu’s place more often, which was understood by Sungmin, minus the fact he would squeeze his hand on the way out, get really close to him or ignore Sungmin was even there. When Sungmin moved out, it still didn’t change for a while, but when it did, they would be left alone sometimes and Jeongsu would try asking Sungmin a question. Always starting with ‘Sungmin?’ and always ending in ‘nevermind’ or something completely random. Still, it wasn’t enough to rule him as ‘fine’, but the questions didn’t sound like something a mentally unstable or disturbed person would ask. It was always stuff like, ‘what’s the plastic piece on a shoelace called?’, but to be fair, he didn’t know much about the mentally distrubed, let alone, Jeongsu himself.

Sungmin never asked questions about Jeongsu or his relationship with Jongwoon, he always heard Jongwoons— and now, occasionally Donghaes— sides of the stories. His side was all hidden away in that box.

If curiosity killed the cat, what could it do to a human?

  
  


A knock came to the doors as the night set over the daytime. It was so conveniently done when Sungmin happened to be walking right past the doors as he heard it. When he opened the door, he was met with a red envelope. He took it inside and closed the door behind him in case it were a sick joke, but the contents of the envelope were even sicker. 

Sungmin went to confront Jongwoon about it, but his body was buried under his blanket and he was fast asleep. Careful to not wake him, Sungmin changed his mind about confrontation and went straight for the box again, now hidden deeper under the bed. When Sungmin got his hands on the letter again, he read all the way down to the end. “Please wake up,” he whispered aloud. Jongwoon snored as if responding, and Sungmin quickly put it all away, trembling as he left the room. On his way down the stairs, the doorbell went off.

“Sungmin, I got the second contract. I don’t know what to do, so I came to you.”

“What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?” Sungmin asked, collecting Donghae into his house. “I thought you wanted this.”

“I do, but not without you.”

“Weird. I got the same one—”

“Don’t sign it.”

Frustrated, Sungmin raised his voice. “Why not?” Why did everyone want to keep him mortal?

“I…” Donghae started. Sungmin cocked his head in confusion before understanding. He cringed as he picked himself back up. “Let’s make this descision together.” Donghae said quickly. 

“I really don’t want to sign it. You know how you forefite? You burn it.” Sungmin stated. 

“You also don’t want me to sign it, do you?” Donghae asked. Sungmin had to confess, this was the truth, but only because he wanted to see Donghae get better.

“I’m afraid you’ll go back to your old habits if you sign it. You can stay human, with me…”

“Can I spend the night here?” Donghae was not ready to talk about this. But there was no word on the contract about any time limit, so Sungmin sighed and showed Donghae up to the guest bedroom. Donghae said he wanted to sleep in Sungmins bed with him, but Sungmin insisted they sleep alone. It made Donghae say something rude to him, but it fell on deaf ears. Sungmin was more worried about what would happen in his life from this night on. It might take days to get over what he had read, it might take days for him and Donghae to compromise and one slip-up could ruin the whole future he had planned for himself. The future where after summer, he would continue his education and find a good job, the future where people said ‘thank you, Dr. Lee,’ as they smiled, the future where he could help others feel better, like what Donghae had done for him— even if he hadn’t meant to.

Before bed, Sungmin took all the knives and other sharp things from the kitchen up to his bedroom in his own little empty shoebox. He didn’t want Donghae to lose what made him human, Donghae might never admit it, but he was enjoying being on the same plane of existence as normal people. 

Maybe it was for Sungmin to know.


	9. Man: Hunted (Sungmin, I love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungmin and Donghae are progressing in their relationship, but the TV screen in Hell is broadcasting a different story.

Donghae ended up in Sungmin’s room by morning, it seemed he was going through his things as the first thing Sungmin saw upon opening his eyes was Donghae’s naked back with his hands in his top dresser. He felt Sungmin’s eyes on him and asked, “You’re into makeup? That’s so funny.” Sungmin didn’t respond, still waking up. “Do you actually wear any of this perfume? I’ve never noticed it.”

“Donghae,” Sungmin called sleepily, “It’s so early, what are you doing?”

“I called in sick for work, then I couldn’t sleep again.”

“Is Jongwoon awake?” Sungmin yawned, pulling the blankets off himself. Donghae tried to stop him by crawling into bed with him, but Sungmin pushed him away. “Is Jongwoon—”

“Yes,” Donghae grunted. “he was just leaving.” Sungmin took his cellphone off his nightstand and pressed Jongwoons contact. He got out of bed and walked into the hallway as it rang, leaving Donghae alone on his bed. “Jongwoon?”

“Hey,” Jongwoon said shakily. “I saw the contracts, I think you two should make the descision yourselves. Just… Make it quickly.”

“You took that better than I expected… Are you okay?”

“Couldn’t be better.” Jongwoon hung up. Sungmin thought it was eerie, but carried on with his day as normal. He showered, brushed his teeth, then went downstairs for some tea. Donghae would yell at him later, though, asking for a clean towel after his shower. When Sungmin tried to hand him the towel, Donghae grabbed his wrist lightly and pulled him into the bathroom with him.

“Thank you for everything.” He whispered. Sungmin shut his eyes and cringed once again.

“Do you need a toothbrush, too?” Donghae’s cheeks get red as Sungmin left to fetch an unopened toothbrush from the guest bedroom. Sungmin always thought it was weird to have it there, but Jongwoon always disagreed. “You can use my toothpaste— this one.” Sungmin said, picking up his bottle to show Donghae. “And please,” He bent down to pick up Donghae’s towel that he left on the floor, placing it over Donghae’s head, “dry off.” Donghae didn’t say anything. “We’re basically the same size, right? I’ll put down some of my clothes. In the  _ guest  _ bedroom.”

“Okay, you don’t have to talk to me like that anymore.” Donghae said, face still hidden behind the towel. Sungmin smiled to himself and shut the door. As much as he was difficult and strange, it could be cute at times. Forbid Donghae from ever knowing that, though. Forbid.

When Donghae met him downstairs, he handed Sungmin his own saltwater perfume. “I still think it’s funny. I’ve never seen this kind before.”

“What’s so funny about smelling good?”

“I’ve never smelt it on you.”

“I don’t wear it for you,” 

“Then you wear it for nobody. You’ve clearly never even touched this one.” Donghae said. “I don’t think you’ve ever touched anything in that drawer.” Sungmin dropped eye contact. “So, tell me, did your girlfriend pass away, too? Did Jongwoon kill your girlfriend and now you’re his slave?”

“What the fuck is your obsession with Jongwoon…” He said harshly. “Jongwoon would never intentionally hurt anyone.” Sungmin still didn’t know if he could fully believe Jeongsu was paranoid or not, but he didn’t want to talk about it. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Okay, let’s talk about how Jeongsu was like you. Maybe that’s why Jongwoon killed him, maybe he wanted there to only be one.” At this point, both of them were very frustrated. Sungmin knew Donghae didn’t know what he was talking about and would always try to keep his cool most times with him, but it wasn’t very easy to do so when he was saying such things about Jongwoon. It wasn’t that he ever said anything good about Jongwoon, but the conversation never had to go this way.

“Donghae, Jongwoon  _ loved  _ Jeongsu, not me. I’m a friend to him. It’s more likely he kill me rather than Jeongsu.”

“And if he killed you, maybe I’d be having this conversation with Jeongsu if he loved me enough to trust me. You guys are exactly the same.”

“How so…?” Sungmin was feeling very defensive. After reading what Jeongsu said about Donghae’s disrespect toward him made him incredibly sympathetic. As much as he didn’t want to have this conversation, he was too on edge to back out now. Forgot the self-pity, Donghae wasn’t that stupid to not realise  _ why _ Jeongsu couldn’t trust him.

“You both give so much to people who don’t care about you and think it makes you special. You don’t know what love is to the point that you don’t know what it’s like to even be  _ liked _ . It’s very fucking annoying that you guys can’t read the signs that nobody cares,” Donghae was visibly angry, Sungmin prepared himself for the worst. “and when someone does care, even  _ slightly _ , you close up and back down. Have you ever been hurt before, Sungmin? Or have you been hurt so much that you think it’s love?” Donghae reached over and gripped Sungmin’s wrist again, Sungmin tried to pull back, but Donghae only squeezed harder, making him flinch again. “You and him are the same breed of pathetic.” Sungmin made eye contact again and said,

“Donghae… You’re hurting me right now.” Donghae sighed in annoyance and let go, Sungmin pulled his hand close to his chest and started rubbing his wrist with his hand. “I’ll be in the theatre.” 

As Sungmin was leaving, Donghae called after him. “When did you lose so much weight?”

Sungmin stopped walking, but didn’t look back. “Now you notice?” Donghae approached him, putting his hand on Sungmin’s shoulder.

“Yeah, are you okay?”

“Fine, actually. Please, give me some space.”

“I’m sorry I lashed out.”

An apology from Donghae was not common, especially after a falling out like this, but Sungmin was still scared to show himself vulnerable to Donghae anymore than he already appeared, so he nodded and continued on his way, leaving Donghae to let his hand drop for once. As much as Sungmin didn’t want to listen to Donghae’s cruel words, the jokes about his weight were very constant, so he started a diet. The fact that Donghae started noticing was what scared him. He had a complicated relationship with Donghae in his head that he didn’t know how to word. Maybe he was like Jeongsu in a way, but not in a way he could ever figure out what to call his feelings. From the two letters he read from Jeongsu, it seemed Jeongsu could easily figure out what he was thinking, but Sungmin hadn’t a single clue. 

His friendship with Donghae was like if someone were to sneak rat poison into a dessert; sweet until you met a harmful crunch, or in other words: indescribable. While Donghae made him want to live as a mortal, Donghae was not the best person to spend mortality with. The other thing was Donghae’s obsession with love, and how he kept getting closer to Sungmin in more of a dependant way. The most Sungmin knew of what Donghae did when he was alone was working or ‘impulsive sex’, but Sungmin always thought of it as that just being life for him, like how he was Jongwoon’s friend and eventual butler with no problems. It wasn’t Donghae’s fault he ended up the way he did, he knew that much.

‘And when someone does care, even  _ slightly _ , you close up and back down’. Was that really how he felt? Oftentimes when Donghae was making an insult, he would say things that didn’t make sense to Sungmin, but made perfect sense to him. In this case, Sungmin could draw that Donghae must feel like a shadow to Sungmin, which was exactly the way Sungmin felt about Jongwoon in the past few years. Every word he said, the more Sungmin’s head would go over it, became so meta in his mind. He began to think the only people in his life who were ever loved were Donghae and Jeongsu. Jeongsu cared about Donghae the way that Sungmin cared for Jongwoon, Donghae cared about Jeongsu in the way that Jongwoon cared for Sungmin, and at the end of the day, Sungmin had grown to like Donghae more than he had hoped, and once again, enter:  _ Jongwoon always loved Jeongsu _ . In television and movies, there would sometimes be a pairing that appeared better than the main one, but usually ended up worse. Sungmin felt that if his life were a movie, it would be an odd one, with not many fans, and about the pairing that had it the worst— The pairing people might think they wish they were, until they learn all the dirty secrets hidden underneath their fancy rugs.

If Sungmin couldn’t get over his fear of intimacy, maybe he could consider Jongwoon and Donghae proper friends, but at this point, he didn’t remember what a friend was supposed to be. He didn’t know what he would be doing now if Jeongsu never died or Donghae never invited himself over, but he did know that it was all his fault. He and Jongwoon were supposed to die in the mansion alone. If he hadn’t been so protective, he could still be on the path his fate intended.

  
  


Mail came in the strangest of times. Jongwoon found himself drawn to the mailbox at five in the morning, and what he found could have broken his heart (‘if he still had one’). Jongwoon had received the same mail as every other demon in the area, the mail could only be read by demon eyes and said ‘Kill Lee Sungmin & Lee Donghae.’ He gulped, assuming that this might be because they’d missed a signing deadline unspoken of. Jongwoon feared what would happen to him if he didn’t at least try, so he went back inside and got ready to go out. 

He would spend the day interacting with fellow demons he knew to live around, pretending he didn’t know who Donghae or Sungmin were. He could count on his fingers how many times people said Donghae is a CEO and Sungmin is virtually ID-less, but in the end, it made him relieved Sungmin’s image was not shown to them. Older demons said it was the first time that two people had ever been listed, to which Jongwoon clenched his teeth, not knowing there was ever a ‘first time’ in general. He figured that if he killed at least one and kept the other to himself, that maybe he could cheat. Besides, the message only had one sentence, and if the hunting was never on the contract but still happened, who would know what other terms were left unwritten?

  
  


“I’m just trying to help you,” Jongwoon heard Sungmin say as he approached the theatre. It was weird, Sungmin never watched anything in there. “I want you to be okay.”

“But I’m fine the way I am. You implying that I’m not is what bothers me so much.” Donghae was being honest. Even Jongwoon could tell.

“Because…” Sungmin was struggling to find the words. Jongwoon drew closer, hoping that when he prepared to shoot, the distance was still safe enough for Sungmin not to hear. “I know you’re not okay.” Jongwoon had never shot a gun before. If he fucked up, everything was over. “My father was this way, too… I don’t want you to hurt anyone the way he hurt me.”

“But you say I hurt you, like, every single da—”

“It’s why I make an effort to help you, it’s why I care so much!” Sungmin was on the verge of tears. The gun in Jongwoon’s hand was becoming hot with his grip and sweat. He was sorry for what he was about to do.

“I appreciate that…” Donghae said.

“Do you mean it?” Donghae was in clear view now, shakily, he cocks his gun.

“I do,” Donghae confessed. “But nobody was hurt by me except for you.”

Sungmin sighed. “ _ Hae _ , you hurt me, you hurt Jeongsu, you—”

Two bullets planted into Donghae’s head. His brains splattered all over the room and all over Sungmin’s shirt. It all happened so quickly. Jongwoon dropped his weapon and stepped from behind his hiding spot. Sungmin’s jaw dropped, he clasped his hands over his mouth as he watched Donghae’s body fall to the ground. Knees first, torso second, with his arms and hands falling behind. His tears fell as quickly and as large and harsh winter’s hail. A scared Jongwoon came into better view.

“S—Sungmin, look, I…” Not even Jongwoon, who knew himself to be a murder, could not believe what he had just done. “Sungmin, I love you, and this is not me… Okay? I was ordered to do this.”

“And— and you didn’t think to tell me?...” Sungmin was completely crushed, he was still staring at the body of the man he grew soft for, the man whose flaws he taught himself to see past in order to help him become a person again. The first man who made Sungmin want to live his life had just been killed in front of his eyes.

“Sungmin, I—I need you.” Jongwoon trembled.

“You’re a killer. You’re so **_fucking evil_ ** . You killed him, you killed Jeongsu, you killed so many innocent people because you’re bitter and selfish. You don’t  _ ‘need’ _ anyone.” The tone of his voice was angry, scared, and he was in complete disbelief. However, Jongwoon knew this was the only way. Sungmin would never agree to the death of himself or his friend. Jongwoon had to do what he felt was in their best interest.

“I killed him because I was ordered.” Jongwoon words were barely escaping him. Sungmin knew everything, but there was nothing he could do about it, otherwise he could die, too. “Please, Sungmin… Join me.” Jongwoon lifted his hand to the left side of his chest. “Join me, here.”


	10. Nothing Ever Mattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungmin’s old friend inspires him to keep Donghae in his life. Jongwoon knows his exact plan, but Sungmin comes to know something he doesn’t.

Sungmin decided to leave Jongwoon and go out for a walk. He didn’t know where he was going, but he needed to get as far as possible. He quickly went up to his bedroom to change into a new shirt before leaving, but now that he was out, he still couldn’t get the image of Donghae’s body out of his mind. He didn’t know how he managed to take a step away from it, either. 

As Sungmin reached the city, he started to go into all the open shops where he recognised someone, or where he hoped someone would recognise him, but he had no luck. All the parties that had been hosted and erased from minds was not something he would ever imagine catching up to him. Sungmin knew that in the media, parties were a crazy, teenage thing, and that in his world, they were usually calm get-togethers for celebrating things relating to business, but Sungmin never knew why such gatherings would happen at all. Humans are a social animal, but having Jongwoon live with him seemed to be all he needed. Even if there was a person he liked at a party he hosted, he would make sure they forgot him, as if people were just the key to social acceptance rather than people. There were times when Sungmin wished that he could make Donghae forget everything about him and go away, too, but the fact that he couldn’t was what made him call back and visit. Maybe, it was the same for Donghae, but he would never know.

Jeongsu, the fact he existed in the lives of everyone he knew, wouldn’t leave Sungmin’s mind either. Jeongsu was never under the contract, but it was so clear that Donghae nor Jongwoon never manipulated his mind. He wondered how he did it— how a man surrounded by people with such abilities, was spared. Maybe it was why everyone wanted Sungmin to stay human and forfeit his abilities. If they saw Jeongsu in him, they must have seen something great that they weren’t telling him. Sungmin wished he never signed; Sungmin regret not trying to get along with Jeongsu. He felt like he could’ve learned a lot from him if their paths could have crossed naturally, if it was only them without any Jongwoon or Donghae first. That man could’ve used a friend. So could Sungmin.

  
  


“Lee Hyukjae, do you remember me?”

“No, I’ve never seen you before. How do you know my full name?”

  
  


Sungmin didn’t know how the company would find out of Donghae’s death, but the more he thought of it, ‘Fountain of Youth’ sounded like a place many demons would want to work for. They might witch-hunt Sungmin if they ever found out.

He wondered how Donghae got a seat there, he was so young.

All Sungmin knew he wanted was to be away from Jongwoon, but he hadn’t brought a sweater or any money, meaning he would be back eventually. Thinking of the ‘killer who induces amnesia’, he only committed his crimes in broad daylight, which made sense, as Jongwoon was always gone for the day, but how would he ever make that equivalent to the real world? The murders were so public and the days were always sunny, it made him curious to know whether or not Jongwoon and Jeongsu had met on a sunny day.

  
“Excuse me, is your name…” A police officer? “‘Lee Sungmin’?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

The officier held his phone to Sungmin, the photo displayed was a picture of Jeongsu. “Do you know this man?”

“I do, he was a friend.” Confusion hit. “I thought this case was closed as ‘amnesia killer’?”

The officer shook his head. “Nope. It just got reopened because we couldn’t remember why we closed it.”

“That’s the Amnesia Killer.”

“I don’t think so.” He chuckled heartily. “We found letters in his apartment, your name was mentioned once. We have to take you into interrogation.”

“How do you know what my face looks like?”  _ What letters did they find if Jongwoon had them all?  _ Sungmin started to feel something was off with this exchange. Donghae had told him that he hadn’t found anything about Sungmin online. An officer without a gun in his holster and a hand behind his back approached carefully behind the one he was speaking to. And before this encounter, he’d noticed a vacant police car hidden in an alley. He decided to move with caution. 

The ‘officer’ noticed Sungmin’s eyes travel. He smiled. “That friend of yours, Kim Jongwoon, is a real loud-mouth. He doesn’t think he is, but he should learn to shut up.” The officer ichted his eyebrow. “You could say we’ve met before, maybe a few years back. And Sungmin, I swear on my life, if you let me have this prize…” Jongwoon knew other demons while Sungmin thought he didn’t have any friends besides him. That motherfucker. “Make this easy for me.” He said, leaning in. Sungmin may not have known what any of this meant, but he knew his options were limited.

“What’s the prize?” He asked.

“You can’t know, you’re not—.”

“Help!” Sungmin screamed. “He’s not a real police officer and he’s got a gun!” While heads turned, Sungmin swallowed his pride and kicked the other demon in the stomach, managing to dodge the bullet as he did. Luckily, he dropped the gun, but Sungmin hadn’t known how many other demons could be watching, so instead of having his action-movie-moment, he ran as quickly as he could. Just as he was running, more bullets fired, he didn’t know if he was going to make it back before dead.

  
  


“Lee Hyukjae!” Sungmin whisper-screamed, seeing the man again. He was dressed in his work uniform with pizzas in hand, but Sungmin continued running toward him, sure he was safe for now. “I know you don’t remember me,” he panted. “But I need this, please, people are after me.”

“I heard the gunshots, I was rushing, too,” He quickly confessed. “Just get in!” The car unlocked and Sungmin got into the back, laying low from the windows. “Listen,” Hyukjae started the car. “I don’t know how you know me, but you kinda freak me out.”

“We met at a business party and really hit it off. I said I would call you and I never did.” Sungmin could feel his heart pound against his chest as he heard another gunshot fire. He glistened with sweat and fear was in his voice. He hoped nobody was hurt.

“I’ve never been to a ‘business party’.” Hyukjae said quickly. Both of them would rather talk about this than the situation?!

“I think you were invited by an older attendee.” At a good distance from the original scene now, Sungmin caught his breath.

“Oh,” Hyukjae sighed, his panic seeming to melt off. “That could’ve been my aunt. She was always telling me something about getting a real job, but it’s difficult.” Sungmin slowly absorbed his words. At that party, Hyukjae could’ve been opened up to some opportunities he would never remember. “I don’t remember you, or a party, though. Just vague talk with her about all these ‘opportunities’ that could open up if I socialised with some higher-class people.” It was obvious in his tone that this was hard to admit. Based on the short amount of time they spent together, he seemed like a really great guy. “You got a job? Must be pretty good if you hosted the party... A—and what’s your name again? You said it earlier, but I don’t remember.”

“My name is Lee Sungmin and I’m… unemployed right now. But I guess, I just clean for rich people. I have a lot of money myself but— ugh, forget it. I can’t explain.”

“That’s alright.” They kept driving in silence, they were in a quiet era now. “My house— or, the house I’m delivering these to, is just up here.”

Talking to Hyukjae, even if it was plain awkward and brief, put Sungmin’s mind at ease once again. He reminisced on the night they met, thinking about how Hyukjae kept talking about how annoyed he was with his family and the way Sungmin responded to all of it. They bonded that night, and Sungmin clearly remembered asking for his number, then erasing his mind with everyone else’s as they went away. What was there to be scared of? Why was he like that?

“Fuck work, is there any place you’d like to go? Maybe your own home?” Hyukjae asked, slamming the car door behind him.

“Yes,” Sungmin couldn’t help but ask. “But are you okay?”

“The guy who answered the door, his voice, his whole vibe, it pissed me off.” Hyukjae answered honestly. “I get annoyed by the dumbest shit, I know. I hope I wasn’t like this when you met me or whatever. I feel like it’s all my fault.”

“It’s all good.” Sungmin smiled softly before giving Hyukjae the address of Jongwoon’s mansion. “Nothing is your fault.”

“My therapist says that, too. He says I take the smallest inconveniences and internalize them. I think he’s right, but— who cares.”

“Maybe that guy was mad at something else. I wouldn’t be upset at the guy bringing hot pizza to my door.” 

“Oh, so you’re a therapist too?” Fake impression.

“Never been to therapy…” Sungmin said in a hushed tone. Hyukjae ignored him and moved on.

“Would you like some pizza later? It’s on me?” Sungmin’s voice was cheery as he politely declined. “Maybe I’ll surprise you tomorrow night, then. You’re alright, Sungmin.” Sungmin thanked him, expecting him to stop talking now, but he went on. “How old are you?”

“I turned thirty-one on January first.”

“Oh, shit.” Hyukjae smiled. “I always thought that was so cool. I’m the same age as you but, like, as a kid? In my house, that would’ve meant double parties. I was envious of kids born on that day.” He laughed to himself. Sungmin so desperately wanted to sit on the seat, but he knew that he would be putting two lives at risk if he did.

‘“It was pretty cool as a child, you had the right to be jealous.” Sungmin hadn’t had a birthday party since he was four years old, so he lied again, but he didn’t want to get Hyukjae down again. They were both so scared earlier.

“So, you said the guns were pointed at you?”

“Yes, but you’d never believe why.”

“Tell me,” Hyukjae begged. Why did he seem so okay with it? “I know those people are not police, because— what could you do to them?”

“Are we downtown again?”

“Yes.”

“Please stop talking to me until we’re out.” Hyukjae didn’t ask questions and complied, still curious about what a man like Sungmin could do to upset so many people.

  
  


“So, Sungmin?” Hyukjae asked again. 

“Yeah?” Sungmin said in a yawn. “Oh, oh…” He took a deep breath before speaking. “There’s some terrible things in this world. It’s not really secret knowledge, but it’s supposed to be… There’s a contract in this world that will grant anyone money and power if they’re brave enough to sign in their blood.”

“What…?”

“I know, it sounds fictional, but if you sign it, bad things will happen. I’m in one of those bad things right now…” Sungmin shook his head to himself. “Please— Hyukjae, never sign such a thing. I did it selfishly and my life has been ruined.”

“I don’t know if I believe you...”

“You will, you will. But only if you have to.” Sungmin assured.

“Okay, sir. Let’s hang in this sick place you got here, okay? Sometime, though. Not now. Then you can tell me more about this show you like.”

“Hyukjae,” Sungmin finally sat up, making eye-contact with Hyukjae through the front mirror. “I’m not crazy.”

  
  


Once inside, Sungmin marched to the counter where Donghae had left the saltwater perfume this morning. He picked it up and put it behind his back, then went to find Jongwoon. Jongwoon was by the fireplace in the living room that neither of them used. It appeared as if he had arrived recently due to the huge contract burning in the fire. He didn’t seem to care that Sungmin was there, until Sungmin grabbed his shoulder and pulled him backward. The contract addressed to Sungmin slipped off his lap and onto the floor. It was like he was sleeping while sitting up on his knees. “You came back,” Jongwoon said sleepily. “I was waiting to help you.”

“You’re not keeping me human. I’m signing that contract.” Sungmin said sternly.

“But, it’s my turn to protect you. I don’t want you to end up the way Jeongsu and I did. I don’t want you to become me.”

Sungmin looked into his dark, tired eyes for a second, taking the words in once again. It was all the more reason to go through with his plan. “I’m going to save Donghae.”

“Donghae is in Hell.” Sungmin snatched the contract off the ground.

“I’m going to save Donghae,” he repeated, spraying the perfume into Jongwoons eyes. He jolted toward and up the stairs to where all the knives were. His room was the perfect spot to enact his plan, it had everything he needed.

“For fucks sake!” Jongwoon shouted. “You could’ve killed me but you fucking didn’t?! That’s so fucking…  **_you!_ ** ”

The knives, the noose from past dark thoughts, all in one place. He was ready. He hung the noose from where his own canopy had hung and slashed open his hand, quickly. “Donghae. I’ll pull you up from the pain,” he whispered to himself. He signed his name with his fingernails the best he could. “I’m on my way.” But before he could start pulling his bed off to the side, the pain he felt in his chest knocked him back onto the floor. He assumed this meant that it was working, so he continued moving the best he could, knowing Jongwoon was on the way.

**“HE’S IN HELL!”** Jongwoon finally got closed to the door as he, in as much pain as he was, was trying to move the bed. He quickly approached him with the biggest knife in the box, earning new cuts as he rummaged. He exhaled sharply, ready to stab Jongwoon, but instead he dropped the knife and kicked back down the stairs. His face looked miserable, but Sungmin hadn’t had time to think of it anymore, he was going to save Donghae and find a way to be with him, even if it only was the outskirts of Hell itself.

Watching as his vision would start to fade between the wall and darkness, Sungmin suddenly knew something that no living demon would want to know.

  
  
  
  
  


“Tell Jeongsu… I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was written between December 1st, 2020 and December 31st, 2020. I hope you will share your thoughts. I’m sorry, also.


End file.
